It seemed like I was buried under tonnes of rocks. My body felt stiff, crushed and lifeless. There was no sensation in my arms, my legs, my fingers. Nothing, all of it felt alien, something that was not a part of me. It was just there, immobile, unresponsive. My body was no longer mine. I tried to figure out the parts of me that would still obey my dictates. I started tracing the stream of conscious from my toes upwards, and all of it culminated in a void. It was just a singularity in space that I could call mine, myself, my ego. Everything else had deserted me.
After several moments, I do not know whether they were seconds, years or eons I tried to open my eyes. Time seems to lose its character when the consciousness itself has become extinct. Even though my body was shackled by the forces of the dark my mind was floating. It was floating through space as if in a trans, incoherent, erratic, unmeaning fully towards an ever changing destination. It would not have been very different from a bacterium in a primordial soup, wandering aimlessly with the tide of life. My eyelids parted, magnanimously like the gates of some old French chateau being thrown open. But they opened from darkness unto darkness. As far as I could see I could but nothingness. The all powerful and mighty that consumes everything that comes under its spell.
Suddenly a spell of cold came over me and with the cold came back my body. I could feel every part of me, every iota reeking with pain. It seemed like needles were being pierced into every inch of me. Every part of me shouting for mercy, a maddening shriek that would wake up the dead. I wanted to scream, to let out my agony but the voice never came out. It died long before it was born.
The pain faded away a little, not because the suffering was less but more for the fact that the body was tired of wailing for it. It had already accepted defeat and succumbed like a fallen army to insurmountable pain. During this state of semi-conscious existence I could see stars materializing above in the sky, if that was a sky. They appeared one by one, slowly, fanning out from the centre in a disc till they completely filled my visual field. Beyond that I could not see anything, or even if I could it escaped my comprehension. I was lying somewhere out in the open was all I could comprehend. I tried to turn my neck, but the pain the attempt caused squashed any intentions I had of exploring my surroundings. I laid their still, motionless till I passed out again.
I felt warmth emanate all over my body and the sunshine on my face. When I opened my eyes I discovered that I was sleeping in someone's lap which was more comfortable and softer that anything I would have ever touched in the course of my existence. Her long yellow hair caressed my face gently as it danced in the breeze. All around me was a carpet of green which extended till it rose to kiss the sky. Daffodils fluttered in the wind as if they were singing a song. The song seemed distant but through feelings unknown it welled up emotions which I was unable to comprehend. The sky was the most azure, unbroken, unwavering from one end to the other. Like a seamstress’s hem, making a perfect circle.
All I could see of the lady was her long white dress and her slender arms resting over mine. Her dress was the most exquisite piece of work I had seen in my life. It appeared as if someone has stitched together the story of the entire universe in her dress. All the patterns of the world were there, all the notes of songs sung and those that were left unsung. So elaborate yet so simple, woven in the strands of white. Her hands were the most exquisite, smooth like silk of the orient. Her long and shapely fingers extruding the beauty and the warmth their owner would have possessed. And all this while her tresses played a game of hopscotch on my face.
I where I was, who that lady was or my own identity for that matter. But all this did not intrigue me. All that was of any consequence was that moment. That moment lasting from here till eternity even though eternity was fleeting. I totally wanted to annihilate myself into the surroundings, to become one with it. I felt helpless but it aroused not a feeling of anxiety but one of bliss. Overcome by my joy I fell again in the lap of sleep.
Sleep is like an inn where people find recluse when they are sad. But it also is an interval between the mirthful state of people. It acts like a delimiter to the amount of sorrow or joy one feels. It lessens the pain when people come under its aegis as well as decreases the happiness of one lest the cup runneth over. Sleep separates the world from what the reality it and what one would like it to be. In our dreams we are the lord and master of our creations, adding a dab of paint here and there . But in reality we are the slaves of the unknown. Most of all we are enslaved by ourselves. Us is the only hurdle that prevents us from becoming what we want to be, to create a universe we envision. Sleep is like a unifier where everyone rules over his kingdom whether he sleeps in a lavish mansion or out on the street.
When I opened my eyes again I was on a beach. The white beach spread out in an arch like a necklace embracing the sea. The trees lining the beach looks like emeralds set out in the necklace. I could hear peals of laugher of kids playing and when I turned around I saw two kids playing with the waves. Their clothes fluttered madly in the wind like some invisible spirit had manifested itself in them and was dancing wildly. They seemed carefree, not concerned for the future, not loathing in the past. Just living their present.
Just then something happened...
A huge wave appeared and dragged one of the kids along with it. The girl unable to swim flayed her arms wildly in the air while the unforgiving sea tried to consume her. I had to save that girl, somehow, anyhow. I lunged into the water fully aware that I did not how to swim, but at that moment all that mattered was that little girl's life. I managed to get a hold on that girl's arm but it kept slipping away. Eventually I was able to get a firm grip on her. She already seemed lifeless and limp. I had to save her.
Another huge came in and I lost my foothold. The ground had disappeared from beneath my feet. And I had lost the kid again. Suddenly asphyxia overcame me. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were filling with water. I started losing sight of the beach, then the sky disappeared. Finally I was completely submerged, groping for a support which failed to materialize. I was going down, slowly towards an abyss to be lost for ever.
The stinging droplets of rain brought me back to the real world. The rain was beating heavily on the ground below. It looked like it was avenging itself on the ground for the wrong it had done, for the girl that had drowned. I was soaking wet, cold and shivering. The darkness had intensified after the rain started. I was unable to see anything and the constant pattering of the drops did no good to the tumulus state of my mind. I though I would lose my sanity very soon. When I was on the verge of the cliff of saneness the rain stopped and the clouds vanished. The stars shown out again, brightly as if they were keeping an eye on everything that came under their purview.
I was able to get up now, but walking came with intense pain searing through my body like a bull charging at a matador. As far as I could run my gaze all that ran up to meet my eye was darkness and barrenness under the canopy of the stars. The monotonous flatness of the land seemed to engulf everything that came in contact with it. The silence of the place had a language of its own, its constant din getting ever stronger with the passing moment. The silence filled up the darkness, chanting the prayer of death and destruction. It swelled within my head till my head could no longer contain it. The silence throbbed in my veins, strangling me till I could not breathe. I started shouting, but it was drowned by silence. I kept yelling till I fell down again, devoid of any senses, for the last time, never to rise again.
